Warm enough again to walk the 4.5 miles home from Wednesday Knitting Group. The brain-weasels do benefit from the exercise, and from being physically unable to drunk-dial half the internet while I'm in transit. Although they did have an ambush in store for me, in the form of the stop-dead-in-the-street insight that "...OMG that relationship back in mumblemumble is totally the dynamic that you're writing there, EVERYONE WILL SEE THIS AND YOU MUST NOW HIDE YOURSELF AWAY FROM POLITE SOCIETY FOREVER AND EVER AMEN."
I managed to distract the weasels by countering with insight #2, which was that if there's anyone out there who hasn't had that same relationship I'd be very surprised, and the fact that I tend to explore it from what might be considered the other side may well be a pathetic attempt to resolve my own Massive Issues but it's also part and parcel of writing what you bloody know, so it's probably better personally and professionally to try to take that step of looking at the situation from all the angles, especially the ones that are the stretch.
A few blocks later, moreover, I had insight #3, which was that to a certain extent insight #1 is a red herring; the recurring dynamic in my life is recurring because it goes back to having an emotionally unavailable parent, which sets me up for falling into all sorts of patterns of seeking yet fearing attention. This is probably what I'm trying to work through and understand through my writing -- both within the work and on the meta-level of what to do with the work. (And also reinforces that vague sense that I've got it just together enough to be aware of what a bad, bad idea it would be to try to date.) Now, if I could just convince the weasels that it's stupid to be so reserved that it takes me forever even to get to the point where people complain that I'm keeping them at arm's length, I might actually be getting somewhere...
I managed to distract the weasels by countering with insight #2, which was that if there's anyone out there who hasn't had that same relationship I'd be very surprised, and the fact that I tend to explore it from what might be considered the other side may well be a pathetic attempt to resolve my own Massive Issues but it's also part and parcel of writing what you bloody know, so it's probably better personally and professionally to try to take that step of looking at the situation from all the angles, especially the ones that are the stretch.
A few blocks later, moreover, I had insight #3, which was that to a certain extent insight #1 is a red herring; the recurring dynamic in my life is recurring because it goes back to having an emotionally unavailable parent, which sets me up for falling into all sorts of patterns of seeking yet fearing attention. This is probably what I'm trying to work through and understand through my writing -- both within the work and on the meta-level of what to do with the work. (And also reinforces that vague sense that I've got it just together enough to be aware of what a bad, bad idea it would be to try to date.) Now, if I could just convince the weasels that it's stupid to be so reserved that it takes me forever even to get to the point where people complain that I'm keeping them at arm's length, I might actually be getting somewhere...
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