![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
BALLS, George just did the white-screen thing again, this time with an audible pop/click (possibly from the speaker) -- it had been long enough since the last incident that I was beginning to think the glitch had resolved itself, but now I'm right back to worrying desperately about his health. He's still under warranty for about the next two months, but As Usual I'm not at a point where I could spare him to take him in, nevermind the worry of it not being something that'd be covered... because the Household is currently at def-con Cupboards-Empty-No-Gas-Money Broke, as in "Mum may not be able to get to work a couple days next week".
I hate living like this. I hate feeling afraid and worthless and dependent and of no value all the time because I can't contribute to the situation materially, I hate having a life that's so vulnerable to circumstances I have no power to affect, I hate that the few stupid little things that I can still do come down to "do I even have bus-fare" half the time, let alone "lunch-money"... Basically, I've been in a kind of Bad Place to begin with these last couple of days, and that... didn't help. Anything. I'm not sure whether I should say to hell with worrying about whether the few bucks I do have on me would be the difference to the Household between "not exactly making it" and "definitely not making it" and just go ahead with the one freaking weekend-out I've had lined up in months, or crawl into bed now and never come out again. ARGH...
I hate living like this. I hate feeling afraid and worthless and dependent and of no value all the time because I can't contribute to the situation materially, I hate having a life that's so vulnerable to circumstances I have no power to affect, I hate that the few stupid little things that I can still do come down to "do I even have bus-fare" half the time, let alone "lunch-money"... Basically, I've been in a kind of Bad Place to begin with these last couple of days, and that... didn't help. Anything. I'm not sure whether I should say to hell with worrying about whether the few bucks I do have on me would be the difference to the Household between "not exactly making it" and "definitely not making it" and just go ahead with the one freaking weekend-out I've had lined up in months, or crawl into bed now and never come out again. ARGH...
Tags: