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Still at a worrying level of all-out Stabby Weepy RAEG. The issue over the garden is only the last straw to land in a complex zoo of Brainweasels, but it really couldn't have been more precisely tailored to jam all the prey-animal buttons about persecution and worthlessness and abandonment. And I'm not sure how to communicate this to the condo association in terms that don't make me sound like a raving lunatic to people who Have Lives. (Assuming, of course, that they'd even answer the last two emails...) I'm actually sort of afraid to run into anybody because I'm terrified of going off on them like a complete nut.
Tthe fact that this is happening at all is actually the bigger issue for me, at this point, not even the particular causes that sparked this; it's exactly the sort of thing where the Brainweasels say that well, obviously the problem lies with me for being upset -- after all, they're not hurting, therefore it's not "real" and needn't be considered to be of any importance. (It... may go without saying that I've been on the wrong end of a lot of people who had some serious issues in the empathy department -- it tends to color my expectations even when I know better of specific individuals, which... isn't helping anything here.) And that's the part that sounds really mental to anyone who's not familiar with Brainweasels: it's just the garden, why are you so bothered?
Which I really don't know how to explain without sounding, as I say, like a raving lunatic. How do people get it across that excuse me, you've stepped on a soft spot that I happen to have, which may be kind of weird to you but it frickin' HURTS when you do that? I have some serious problems with expressing that I'm in pain, even physical, because I've been conditioned by my experiences to expect that at best, it won't be addressed, and at worst, drawing attention to distress is only giving permission to the rest of the pack to take down the straggler. I'm not sure how you dig yourself out of that place in your head even with a hell of a lot more therapy than I'd be able to convince myself I'd get even if I could afford it, and it's not exactly anybody else's problem to have dumped in their laps when they're just annoyed about unpaid assessments...
Tthe fact that this is happening at all is actually the bigger issue for me, at this point, not even the particular causes that sparked this; it's exactly the sort of thing where the Brainweasels say that well, obviously the problem lies with me for being upset -- after all, they're not hurting, therefore it's not "real" and needn't be considered to be of any importance. (It... may go without saying that I've been on the wrong end of a lot of people who had some serious issues in the empathy department -- it tends to color my expectations even when I know better of specific individuals, which... isn't helping anything here.) And that's the part that sounds really mental to anyone who's not familiar with Brainweasels: it's just the garden, why are you so bothered?
Which I really don't know how to explain without sounding, as I say, like a raving lunatic. How do people get it across that excuse me, you've stepped on a soft spot that I happen to have, which may be kind of weird to you but it frickin' HURTS when you do that? I have some serious problems with expressing that I'm in pain, even physical, because I've been conditioned by my experiences to expect that at best, it won't be addressed, and at worst, drawing attention to distress is only giving permission to the rest of the pack to take down the straggler. I'm not sure how you dig yourself out of that place in your head even with a hell of a lot more therapy than I'd be able to convince myself I'd get even if I could afford it, and it's not exactly anybody else's problem to have dumped in their laps when they're just annoyed about unpaid assessments...
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