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Well, I had thought that I'd managed to arrive at a state of relative detente with the Brainweasels lately, but that one-two punch from my Alleged Family over New Year's has had me right back in the mire despite some unseasonable warmth. It's not as if I was even particularly close to that side (...obviously), but there's something about the feeling of utter disregard that I'm left with from the overall experience that's mashing all the old Abandonment Issues buttons. I'm still walking around going, "...SERIOUSLY? WTH, man, did that really just happen to me twice?"
I guess I should be easier on myself; I've been having these flashes of beating myself up over making this All About Me (because, obviously, I don't even exist anyway so where do I get off?), but then again I think I get to point out here that that was a horrible way for that to go down, and it is standing in the way of my even being able to react to the actual events. So maybe I should just let myself roll with the Stabby Weepy RAEG at how for a while and let an eventual response to what come along or not on its own terms? Idunno. I just wish that it didn't all make me feel quite so much like a three-year-old who's been left at a bus stop somewhere.
I guess I should be easier on myself; I've been having these flashes of beating myself up over making this All About Me (because, obviously, I don't even exist anyway so where do I get off?), but then again I think I get to point out here that that was a horrible way for that to go down, and it is standing in the way of my even being able to react to the actual events. So maybe I should just let myself roll with the Stabby Weepy RAEG at how for a while and let an eventual response to what come along or not on its own terms? Idunno. I just wish that it didn't all make me feel quite so much like a three-year-old who's been left at a bus stop somewhere.
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